College

So, about a month ago I finally decided on the University of Dallas.  When I was trying to decide on a college I took a leaf from Rory in Gilmore Girls and made up a pro/con list.  I fear mine was much less well thought out and developed though.  Here it is as I set it down, although it continued to morph in my head.

UD:

• Core Curriculum
• Better Class Selection in Italy
  
• Full Tuition
• Tae Kwon Do Club
  

BC:

• Nationally Certified Education Program
• Early Student Teaching Experience
• Better Education Course Selection
  
• Closer to my Tae Kwon Do studio

Then I looked through the course catalog for UD, and became a bit more satisfied with their selection.  That kind of opened up the way for me.  I thought about it more, and then I opened my list back up again and typed

I am going to UD.

I just had an over-whelming feeling of peace and rightness.  I'd decided.  I was going to UD.  It felt awesome to get the decision out of the way, and I knew I was going to love UD.

Then, oh, I think around April 17th and 18th I went down to UD for their Meet us @ the Tower event.  I got to sit in on some awesome classes, met some awesome future classmates, got an awesome t-shirt, had an awesome host, and got to eat awesome Mexican food at some restaurant they took us to one night.  Ironically though, after I went to the visit weekend, and as I began nailing stuff down more, I started second guessing my decision.  What if I hadn't chosen UD for the right reasons?  What if Benedictine would have been better?  Am I going to like Texas?  I've suddenly become very fond of Kansas, with it's sky, and trees, and pleasant spring weather.  I'm sure that, come January or February, I won't be feeling quite so sentimental about it.  Spring is always my favorite time of year.

Anyway, one of the things I was able to do during the visit weekend was talk to one of the education department heads, and she said they've got an agreement with most states, so I'd be able to at least start teaching in KS if I wanted to, and then I'd have a few years to wrap up any other requirements, should I need to.

I'm also excited about the Venture Club.  Apparently they go rock-climbing very regularly.  I also found a very good Tae Kwon Do studio close to UD where I can train.

I don't know that I have any rational reason for suddenly being unsure of my decision.  I'm just Miss Anti-Commitment, and college means something new and different, away from the normal.  Away from my little routine, and my comfortable, if boring, little box I contentedly dwell in.  I look forward to expanded horizons, in a way.  New events, new opportunities, new friends thrust upon me.  When it comes to my own initiative in those areas, I'm incredibly lazy, so in a way I'm expecting college to go make friends for me.  Which seems a bit silly, like I'm in kindergarten again and my mom's arranging play dates for me again.  I sort of miss those days, things were much simpler. 

I know I'm going to be happy at UD.  I know the school is a good fit for me.  I know I'll get a good education there.  I know it will train me well for life.  I know that my experiences there will shape me for the rest of my life.  I know I will make friends.  I know there will be adjustments.  I know that life can't always continue on the same.  I know that, if it could, I wouldn't want it to.

While I was at the Institute on Religious Life conference (which is a matter for a post in itself), a priest I talked to said that God can speak of his desires for us through our own desires and talents.  He can place a longing in our heart, a feeling of rightness.  I felt that with UD, even though it was hard for me to practically quantify it.

I know sometimes I just need to listen, let go, and take a leap across the abyss into the murky unknown.

After all, He already knows what's on the other side.